Drinking Games.

We here at WASTEradio wholly condone, I mean condemn (ho ho), the excessive use of alcohol leading to anti- social behaviour and indeed vomit. However I recently came across a drinking game that could not be overlooked, even if it does encourage getting plastered. It encompasses two of the most frequently indulged activities of the festive period; drinking alcohol and watching the television.

"What about a cultural sojourn or something more religious?" I hear the traditionalists cry….. This is realism, mate. You know, like a scene straight out of the Royle Family. "We know what we like and that's whiite, whiiite, whiiiiiiiite." No, no, I digress, that's my favourite quote from a Hovis advert.



So now I've got the moral objections out of the way, back to the game. There are a few variations but the rules remain the same.

1. Record your favourite TV show or film
2. Concoct a communal beverage, nothing too rancid, although mouthwash or aerosols may be used in an emergency.
3. Gather round the TV, worshiping it like an alter.
4. Begin watching the screen.

There are a few caveats to the rules so as to introduce a competitive element, therefore making it a game and not an exercise in dulling the pain of Christmas. The aim of the game is to PAUSE the programme at pivotal moments and guess what the presenter or character will say next. The example that I came across was one that used Nigella's Christmas Kitchen as the programme. Nigella is a particularly good one as her speech oozes innuendos and semantics.

Nigella makes a Lychini – lychee martinis to us commoners. They are one part vodka, one part white rum and two parts crème de lychee. "I like to garish it with" PAUSE…Now to guess what she says next "the souls of ten virgins!" is one guess, "Ear wax!" is another "A delicate sprinkling of bodily fluid!”. The answer is actually tinned lychee. Next. Nigella is making star-topped mince pies. She makes her own pastry, and fills the pies with homemade mincemeat. She browns the sugar "so treacly smelling" she gasps breathlessly. "What I find makes my life easier is"…PAUSE. “Money!” is the first guess, “Licking the edges with my moist lips” is the second, "Smothering you in between my tits you filthy slut!"…The answer is actually putting them in the fridge the night before, but you get the picture. The person with the most accurate answer is exempt from drinking; everyone else must toast their stupidity.

This works equally well with Eastenders, Gok Wan's How to Look Good Naked and Murder She Wrote.

If you're in the mood for even less human contact but want to drink and watch a screen, play the drink whenever Arnie gets kicked in the balls game, whilst watching Total Recall. It's a slow start but guaranteed to leave you hammered.

Merry Christmas!